Just Do It

I decided at the end of 2013 that instead of writing the expected “New Year Resolution” post I would ‘Just Do It’! My January 2014 has been more about action than communication and so far this seems to be good for me.

2013 was a very confusing and to be quite honest drained me of everything I am and ever want to be. That sounds quite negative, but like quite a few other major incidents in my life, turned out to be a blessing in disguise. It was the year I overcame my biggest fears – Anxiety/Depression and the medication that accompanied it. It is also the year I finally snapped the soul- tie from the love of my life. It was not easy and at times I felt weaker and more lonely than I have ever felt in my life, but I never gave up. All last year did for me was make me stronger, more independent, much more secure than I have ever being, and also set me up for a year of putting into action my new freedom. In a nut shell 2013 was the final straw. I let go, and whenever I let go He steps in and takes me higher. (True Story)

This year I am in a job I love, I am happy with who I am, I am confident about chasing my dreams, I am motivated about overcoming parts of my life that need to change, and in regards to friendships/relationships I have strong sense of who I want in and around my life.

My first action this year was to learn to drive and take a driving test. Basically, a miracle. This time last year I was scared to press the gas pedal plus scared to death of rejection – my anxiety was so bad. This year I’m driving round on a TEST! I was driving round thinking “Oh my goodness I’m driving, this is what it feels like to reach a dream that seems so far away” and this was before I even got the result:

Even though I failed I sat in the passenger seat all the way back to work relaying the whole test to my instructor with so much energy and excitement while he just frowned at me as if to say “You do know you FAILED the test” when I finally let him get a word in he said ” So what are your plans now?” so I said “A few more lessons and another test as soon as possible of course” I was filled with so much adrenaline and so much life – it is what life is about – overcoming fears and realising your potential.

My second action is ditching the gym and taking to the streets – running of course 😉 Today was my first day running in the great outdoors instead of on a treadmill in a snazzy gym.

I felt  I needed to feel the real pain doing the real deal and I got exactly what I wished for. Running outside is so different and so much more effort and pain. My legs were not happy but the rest of my body was on fire. That to me was a real workout and the feeling of achievement it left me actually made me look forward to my next run. I read about people in running magazines talking about how they have fallen in love with running and I think “Come on, get real”

My third action is a little more personal but is the foundation of my day, week, month, year, life. Waking up each morning and telling myself that no matter the situation, the circumstance, or the feelings about either, my day will not control me I will control my day. My reactions to any actions can be controlled and I must decide as soon as I open my eyes to live my day on purpose and not just live based on how I feel. Being swayed this way and that and never knowing how to enjoy life because of how it might make me feel is not living. I’m taking charge but not on my own strength. I won’t leave my house without giving my day to God and doubt I could get through the day without talking to him throughout. He gave me life, planned my life and adds so much value to my life. My foundation  isn’t based on humanity but on spirituality. Not everybody understands or has the privilege of being able to live this way and I’m done with taking it for granted.

1-6 God, investigate my life;
    get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you;
    even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
    I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say
    before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there,
    then up ahead and you’re there, too—
    your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
    I can’t take it all in!

Here’s to a new year.

Love J Louise

Next Step… Insecurity

It is easy to find my presence at home when no one else is around and your heart is silent isn’t it?

Remember when it seemed impossible because of anxiety? Look how far we have come!

Now I want to teach you how to seek my precence and feel the same peace right in the middle of insecurity. Those moments when your thoughts are so loud and heart is heavy and you can you feel it draining you of all emotional energy. Been able to find my presence deep in your heart during those moments is I our next step. Then you will have found my true peace.

Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7 NLT)

The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. (Psalms 32:8 NLT)

Jason

I had finshed work and was on my way home on the bus.

A guy got on and sat opposite me.

Before I even looked up, infact the ONLY reason I looked up was because I felt the strongest wave of helplessness I have felt in a long time.

He was clearly addicted to every drug known to man he just couldn’t sit still.His skin was in such a bad condition and his eyes were just ….sadness

I carried on reading my book … (well pretending to)…and in my mind I was praying so hard.

“God, that is your child, if I feel this helpless sat near to him I can’t imagine how tormented he must be feeling. Please God heal, give him hope, restore his mind, clean him up just like you did for me and my mum”

I didn’t know whether to talk to him or not because I wasn’t confident of his state and felt a bit wary!

“What is your book about”

There we go an open door, he spoke to me first.

“Do you know what, absolutely nothing, I got it in charity shop because it looked good but the storyline is quite boring… What about you? Do you read?

His name is Jason, he’s 24. He can’t read properly because he was changed to that many foster homes and that many schools he never felt settled enough to take anything in! He didn’t understand my job role because he has never worked in his life! He did once find a job as labourer but on his first day his alcoholic dad called him to tell he is nothing and would never amount to anything! Jason has a temper and because his dad had pushed his buttons he lost it and started smashing everything up and lost his job. He understood where I was coming from when I described my childhood and my mums past. He listened to me tell him how God had changed our lives. He stayed quiet so I never really got his opinion!

He grew up mostly in a childrens home not far from where I live, and even though he made friends while he was there, he doesn’t tend to make new friends! New friends = new people to trust, therefore more oppertunity for rejection and let downs.

I related to him in more ways than one.

He was on his way to his friends and hoped they had beer so he could relax a little and have a shower. He told me it was nice talking to me and he might see me around!

I forgot to tell I would pray for him

I have prayed for him everyday since and this was 3 weeks ago

I see and talk to so many Jason’s in life, but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about him or praying for him!

Even if I never see him again I trust God that He is answering my prayers

Me Me Me …Hello 2013…

I’m a little late on the “new year” posts! But I needed time to think! On New Years Day all the usual goals for 2013 popped to mind!

Eat Healthy
Back to the Gym
Read more
Be organised
Learn to Drive
Pass my exams
Pray more

Yet nothing dropped! Nothing inspired me or assured me that this year would be different! I needed some more time!

This morning I was lay in the bath just talking to God (like ya do) I was thinking about what aspect of Him being part of my life I love the most! Most days I feel loved and secure… but what keeps me holding on when my days are dark and extreme insecurity overwhelms me?
Most people would name it faith, strength, strong belief, and “a good ed on ya shoulders” haha

Its a fact that God loves me, but doesn’t he love everyone? Call me ungrateful but when Christians say Smile Jesus Loves You it means nothing to me….it is too genralised.
What I love most is when He shows me he loves ME through something personal to ME!
When I have questions he leads me to answers in the Bible or a book or something someone says!

When He keep putting something on my heart to the point where I cannot ignore it anymore and have to act on it!

When I can’t breathe from being so anxious and He calms my heart down and fills it with unexplainable peace!

On the mornings when I am so tired and fed that the last thing I want to do is step foot in church, yet when I do the amount of giddiness I feel inside erases the entire harshness of the week!

On the days when the Bible is just boring words to me and then BANG I read something life changing and it all comes to life and I realise “wow God knows what is going on and He really is in control of my life”

On the mornings when I wake up and can’t get a certain word, scripture, lyric, or song out my head! The same morning the preacher stands up and quotes the exact same thing I was thinking over the pulpit!

It’s those moments that keep me holding through the dark days, through hard times, through heartbreak and anxiety! It is those personal revelations that He really is Lord of my Life, that He cares about every single thought and action, that he smiles with me, dances with me, cries with me, laughs with me! Jesus loves ME!

Do you know how that changes my 2013? It frees me up to stop caring about ME! To stop concentrating on ME! To stop crying about what I cant change about MY life! God has assured me He has all that under control!

So 2013 is about others, loved ones and unloved ones! What have I got to give now that I dont have to worry about what Me?

My friendships will be based on what I can give rather than what Is on offer for me?

I can go to work and give 100% without worrying about whether im appreciated!

I can have relationships without trying to figure out how that person is going to make me feel secure

I can trust without worrying about what damage will be caused if the trust is broken!

I can finally put myself out there to see what I can give knowing that God is taking care of what I need!

I an truly inspired
Truly motivated
And I can honestly say

I Love My Life!

Confirmation Part 2

I was talking to my friend the other day and she was asking who I spend most my time with! I actually did not have a straight answer.

At first it worried me! Am I isolating myself? Why don’t I feel lonely? Why have I only just realised that I no longer have a side kick?

All my life there has been someone at some point in my life that I do everything with, that I tell everything to, that knows all my secrets, and tells me all theirs too, that I am the most sensitive to, that I need to know approves of everything I do, that would offend me if they did something and didnt tell me, that treats my home as their home and vice versa and Etc

I ALWAYS have a side kick!

I don’t know how it happened but I have learnt to live my life without one, and didn’t even notice I’d done it! Don’t get me wrong I have my friends who I spend time with, I have my sisters who I tell everything to I have my family who I can laugh and cry with but its all so evenly spread out I could never say … “I am joined at the hip to ….”

Do you know how good this makes me feel? Do you know how long I have prayed against the fear of being alone? Do you know how much I have wanted to just accept me as me with every other acceptance from anyone else in life being a bonus not a need?

I wake up thinking about God, I fall asleep thinking about God! I sob my heart out to God, I laugh with God, use my gifts for God, give my day to God, give my fears, frustrations and confusions to God and in return He has made me my own person!

Anyway… This was not the aim of my post! I needed to pour into words another confirmation:

Saturation

About a month ago I was lay in bed in the middle of the afternoon with no motivation for life! All I wanted to do was sleep and not think!

A word kept bouncing around in my head. A word I never use and barely knew the meaning of!
Saturate
It was so random but my mind kept saying it over and over again! I reached out for my phone and checked the full definition:
1.Saturate
to cause (a substance) to unite with the greatest possible amount of another substance, through solution, chemical combination, or the like.
I lay back on my pillow and prayed myself to sleep. I prayed that He would saturate my heart, mind and soul with Him! I woke up later that afteroon and carried on praying that God would teach me how to saturate myself in Him!

A few days later I was on my way to choir practice very early in the morning before the Sunday service! We were all travelling in Ife’s car! My friend Toyin randomly asked me what God had been saying to me that week! I explained to her all about the saturation incident and she told me that on that same day at a prayer meeting the church had been praying the same prayer!

Later that morning after we had sang our hearts out we all sat down to listen to the message! It was titled Get Pickled.
Dave explained how pickled onions are made! He took us through the recipe and was explaining how once you pickle an onion you can never unpickle it, but for it to get pickled it needs to be saturated in vinegar for a while, not just a dip in the vinegar, but a full saturation! He explained how people can come to church, or be talking to a friend, or be at an event and have an experience with God, that as good as that is it is not enough to change your life! Once you have had a taste you need to dip your whole life in God! Once its been there a while that is when the change happens! It is a permanent change that can never be undone!

As soon as he said the word saturate me and Toyin looked at each other and we did a little “seat dance” (don’t pretend you have never done it)

He then put up this slide:

The rest of the message was how to saturate yourself in God!

God gave me this message personally 4 days previous to Dave teaching us this!

Another confirmation straight from Heaven!

#MARCHphotoaday – Day One

UP!

Yesterday was hard to get through

I just could not make sense of my life, my purpose, my lack or energy, my lack of interest and most of all my mentality.

I chose to switch off and get creative, I visitied FatMumSlim, checked out the #Marchphotoaday list for this month , noticed the first day was labelled UP, made a mental note to prepare a post for the word UP and even had even decided on the above UP picture. Task done? No!

Not sure how to explain this but here goes:

The word UP niggled at me all day. It was like when you see a familiar face but can’t remember where, or when you have a word to describe a feeling but can’t for the life of you remember the word and no other word will do, or when you have a song at the edge of your tongue but can’t remember the tune. It takes over your mind and everything else is a distraction until you have untangled the mystery and your mind can continue running smoothly again.

So basically for the majority of the 1st March 2012 I was trying to figure out what the word UP meant to me and why it was taking over my mind!

Random!

I finally said good bye to the first day of  March and greeting the second day of March with a ” Good morning God, Thank you for today, I really don’t want a day like yesterday. You have the power to inspire me to no end, you have created me with a need for challenge, a mind that soaks up inspiration, and soaring energy levels between the hours of 9-5! Please don’t let me waste the me you know so well on being so discouraged all day that I  fall asleep feeling like I have achieved nothing. I’m here today for a reason and I want to enjoy it.” I drank my coffee cuddled my boy and jumped out of bed to get ready for my day in the office!

As I walked my boy to school the word UP started niggling at me again, and again, and again! Then all of sudden I physically stopped walking and audibly said “MY PODCAST”  I had figured out the mystery and was now giddy….

About 3 months ago I subscribed to the KIngs Church Podcast’s so that even when I miss the Sunday messages I can listen to them on my iphone! There was one simply named UP! It caught my attention quite a few times but I never got round to listening to it. Now I know why….

I dropped off the little man at school and listened to the message as I walked to work :

Listen to it here

This is what stood out to me the most (I’m quite proud of my audio typing skills to be honest)

“I’m in my old front room on a Christmas morning down on my hands and knees, playing with my toys. When you are a little child toys seem so big and you have this ability to get lost in the world that is in front of you. I had these soldiers all over my garage with all my cars and action man that had just come out that year! Awesome! And I’m flying action man over everything and he is kicking the soldiers and he’s stamping on the cars and I’m in this world on my hands and knees just down here and everything seems so big. All of a sudden my father comes behind me puts his arms under my arms and lifts me up onto his shoulders and when I’m up there everything that a second ago seemed so big in my world  all of a sudden changes, my perspective changes! Everything had its right place in size from the place that I was seated.”

Ephesians 2 v 6-10

And God raised us UP with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, ⁷ in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast. ¹⁰ For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

God wants to give you a view of this situation that you think is so large from Heavens perspective. Remember who you are and whose you are.

This is what will always stay in my heart 

I am bringing you UP in your experiences

I am bringing you up in your revelations

I am bringing you UP in unity

I am bringing you UP in your heart

Remember what I have done in the past and expect it again but bigger

#FEBphotoaday – Day Two

Words – You are Mine

I love words

They have so much power, fear, love

They  overwhelm me

Impress me, disgust me

They have life

Yet no words define me like The Word

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God

John 1 v 1

…Wholeheartedly…

And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.

Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.

Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders.

Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Deuteronomy 6v 6-9

 

A present from Kaydens dad that I pinned above my bedside lamp

 

A drawing my friend Heather did for me of a picture I was admiring at a weekend away called Encounter.This is in my hallway for all to see

Beacuse I love you with an everlasting love… Jermeiah 31v3

 

 

 

A poster I bought from a little Christian bookshop in Wales. This is pinned above my compter table

 

 

 

A picture my mum bought when my least concern was my own life. This is placed nicely in my living room

 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future Jeremiah 29:11

 My first mothers day present from Kayden Dad. This is on my bookshelf

For your love has given me great joy Philemon 1:7

Right Here? Right Now!

I thought it was my idea for me and Heather to go out shopping on our lunch hour. I was also under the impression it was Heather’s idea to go to Sainsburys cafe for something to eat before heading back to the office.

I was wrong

We stood in the queue gazing at the menu

” Chocolate and coconut frapacino 539 calories … that is a fantastic use of 500+ calories”

I decided against it. The “Nothing Tatstes Better than Goal Weight” texts from my slimming world leader were ringing in my ears.

“Excuse me I know this sounds weird but can I pay for your food”

I looked at lady stood in front of me as if she couldn’t speak English

” I’ve been stood here in the queue and all I keep thinking is to offer to pay for your food, I think God wants to bless you”

” I don’t know what to say”

” Just say yes ”

” Oh my goodness… I’m a Christian too I can’t believe it”

” Really wow thats fabntstic can I pay for your food then?”

” Ok well thank you very much, are you staying in the cafe? Do you wan to sit me and my friend Heather?”

I found out her name is Sherri  lives in Sale as she has just finished at a  School of Ministry in a local church. She is in Sale center today as her and her friend are planning on a last minute holiday and …. to be honest a lot of what she was saying went straight over my head beacuse I couldn’t stop thinking about what had just happened! I had goosebumps all over my body and felt so much joy and peace and excitement all at the same time.

A women I didn’t know was stood in front of me in a queue talking to God, and he was talking to her …about me… and how he wants to bless me. Just randomly bless me on normal Tuesday lunch time.

Its crazy how I go through my day in a busy city passing hundreds of people everyday  and not thinking much of it, not thinking much of who they are or what they are about and basically whether they know God or not. It was such an amazing feeling to know three (that I know of)  of God’s friends were stood in a cafe and 30 mins later one of us had paid for another ones meal we had all talked about what God was doing in each of lives and then all three of us had swapped numbers.

 Apart from the fact that I have made a new friend, God has confirmed to me once again that I was in the right place at that the right time. An answer to the prayer I prayed this morning:

 ” Lord please lead me through my whole day. Show me that You are with me and that I am fulfilling my purpose for today. I only want to do what You want me to do because You know whats best for my day.

It was not mine, Heather’s, or Sherri’s idea to go to Sainbury’s cafe today at lunch time.

It was God’s plan.

Dear Jodie….

You may not
know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew
10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your
being. Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are
written in my book. Psalm
139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where
you would live. Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother’s womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know
me. John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete
expression of love. 1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your
Father. 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever
could. Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my
hand. James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with
hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on
the seashore. Psalms
139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all
my soul. Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find
me. Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of
your heart. Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could
possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians
2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your
troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you
close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered
on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my
son, Jesus. John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not
against you. Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your
sins. 2 Corinthians
5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love
for you. 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your
love. Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you
receive me. 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love
again. Romans
8:38-39

Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven
has ever seen. Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be
Father. Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is… Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32
Love, Your
Dad Almighty
God